he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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