Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
