kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
