Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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