i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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