Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
