The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
