I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
