why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
