So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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