I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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