I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
