Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
