Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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