he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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