Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
