i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
