it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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