Im at strip club and am horny
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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