I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
