it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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