Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
