dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
