I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
