Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I understand Curling. That high.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
