I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
