Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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