i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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