I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
