Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize