So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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