people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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