I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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