He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
