Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Randomize
