Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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