woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
