i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
