I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
