the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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