Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
