dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
