Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
God I need to hump something, right now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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