im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
