the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
