dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
