The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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