i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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