I just threw up on my dentist
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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