you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
