My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
