He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
