I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
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I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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