Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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