If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
