areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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