The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
