Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
