i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
