Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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