I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
