Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
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i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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