Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
