how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
