What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just cut my nipple shaving
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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