Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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