that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
